You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My breasts were aching with rage.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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