Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
