I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We need a shit load of segways right now
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
