Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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