Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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