I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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