Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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