that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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