i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
