so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
