All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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