i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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