But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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