she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
