someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's shark week go big or go home
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
