Just fell off a train. Bad.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize