So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
