Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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