Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
