Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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