I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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