So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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