i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
