If that was your dad, he is hot
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
