The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
