You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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