Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Actions speak louder than pants.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
