had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
