Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
