Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
