god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
