This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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