And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
