Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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