He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
