Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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