I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dignity is for republicans.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
