apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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