i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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