What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
