True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
