is your mom at the bar?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
