I faked an abortion last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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