I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
