put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
