This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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