bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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