I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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