its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
40s are totally the cure
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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