nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
