either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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