Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
