this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i dont even know how to be here
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
