Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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