You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
