Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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