If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
