Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
