She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
