I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
