3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she peed on how many people?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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