dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
