She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
