Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
