I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
