dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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