don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
