Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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