Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
