omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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