she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
