I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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