omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
