I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
