I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
