Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
