The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
