Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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