im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
