He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
