so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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