I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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