You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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