woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize