why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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