and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize