so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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