so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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