do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
