I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
