How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
this just has baby written all over it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
