Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
